A worthy rival
So, I was thinking about this "Professor Exasperate" guy. I mean, he's a professor, so he's probably a school nerd, right? That so falls into my area of expertise. Once I catch him, he'll be trapped by my charm like Han Solo in carbonite. But how to catch him?
I decided that what I really needed was a plan to lure him out. Right now, it's hard to tell when something exasperating is a result of one of his nefarious schemes, and when it's just...you know, because people are stupid. I have to admit that I'm not always the greatest at coming up with tricky plans, but I do have resources at my disposal. I know some pretty smart folks. For example, last night I was reading some Harry Potter fan fiction. Those fic writers are clever- they come up with all sorts of ways for Harry to trap You-Know-Who.
Inspired by the HP geeks (and let me tell you, that's a really rapidly growing segment of my fanbase), I realized that people loudly talking at the library is one of the most exasperating things ever, particularly when you are trying to read or study. With this in mind, I headed to the library. The Professor was sure to come by if he thought he could annoy me, right?
Yeah, no luck. I sat there reading for hours. Fortunately, the library has the whole "John Carter of Mars" series by Edgar Rice Burroughs, so I didn't get bored, but seriously? No one spoke out loud all day. Not one cell phone call. Not one obnoxious book club leader. No one yelling at the librarians about unjust late fees. Nothing! Not even, like, a little kid who couldn't read the "Keep Your Voice Down" sign. I mean, I wasted the whole day. The whole day! By the time the library closed, I was really, really....
And that's when I realized I'd fallen into his trap. By not showing up, he'd exasperated me. It's a mistake I won't make again.
Next time, Professor. Next time.
I decided that what I really needed was a plan to lure him out. Right now, it's hard to tell when something exasperating is a result of one of his nefarious schemes, and when it's just...you know, because people are stupid. I have to admit that I'm not always the greatest at coming up with tricky plans, but I do have resources at my disposal. I know some pretty smart folks. For example, last night I was reading some Harry Potter fan fiction. Those fic writers are clever- they come up with all sorts of ways for Harry to trap You-Know-Who.
Inspired by the HP geeks (and let me tell you, that's a really rapidly growing segment of my fanbase), I realized that people loudly talking at the library is one of the most exasperating things ever, particularly when you are trying to read or study. With this in mind, I headed to the library. The Professor was sure to come by if he thought he could annoy me, right?
Yeah, no luck. I sat there reading for hours. Fortunately, the library has the whole "John Carter of Mars" series by Edgar Rice Burroughs, so I didn't get bored, but seriously? No one spoke out loud all day. Not one cell phone call. Not one obnoxious book club leader. No one yelling at the librarians about unjust late fees. Nothing! Not even, like, a little kid who couldn't read the "Keep Your Voice Down" sign. I mean, I wasted the whole day. The whole day! By the time the library closed, I was really, really....
And that's when I realized I'd fallen into his trap. By not showing up, he'd exasperated me. It's a mistake I won't make again.
Next time, Professor. Next time.
posted by Princess Fannish at 9:54 AM
7 Comments:
Ah, the quaint adventures of John Carter. ERB sure thought he got my homeland's geography right but he couldn't've been further from the truth. Silly Earthling.
~Octavia, Empress of Mars
This "Professor Exasperate" is trickier than he seems....
MY MISSION IS NEARLY COMPLETE DO-GOODERS!!!
It is I, Professor Exasperate bearing news that will most assuredly NOT make your day very pleasant!
I have traveled far and wide in search of the most powerful, anti-establishment, chaotic evil super-villains in order to help me realize my plans for world domination! I will organize these individuals into a group Hell-bent on eroding the freedom and justice of our society by way of our maniacal deeds! BWA HA HAAAAA!!!!
So far, I have enlisted the help of TWO individuals almost as nefarious as I. During my road trip transported by my awesome FORD AEROSTAR BATTLE VEHICLE (TM), I encountered GRAND MAL!!!
The most diabolical septuagenarian I have met. (The only one I've met) Gertrude Espinoza has opted for a life of crime as opposed to rotting away in a retirement community, waiting eternally for her "loved ones" to visit. Grand Mal renders her enemies powerless with her baked goods of doom!
Her cookies confuse, her pastries paralyze, and her tarts terrorize! Her dentures have a boomerang effect, and her girdle and support hose are bulletproof! All these amazingly evil qualities will prove quite useful, and far outweigh her incontinence.
Equally dedicated to criminal activity is
Iron Constitution!!! He is the man with the power to render his bladder and bowels as solid and durable as iron. I haven't quite figured out the relevance his powers will have in my quest for global ruler-ship, but I like his "go get 'em" attitude. Besides, he's helping shave road trip time because he never needs to hit the rest stops-unlike Gertrude.
Tremble with fear heroes, because upon my return, my collection of villainous peers will begin Phase One of our plan to wrench control of the planet from the highly incapable hands of the powers that be!!!
Just try and stop me!!!!
It is I, Professor Exasperate!
Yeah...
Uhhh-
Yes! Princess Fannish you are correct! You have unwittingly fallen into my trap! Because I knew you would eventually be going to the EXACT library you went to to find me, and fully aware that you would be SERIOUSLY annoyed when you finally realized I was a no-show, I planned this road trip to take place parallel to the time I knew you would be at the library uhh, you went to to find me!
Yeah, That's it, that's EXACTLY what happened!
Beware heroes! I will strike again soon!!!
I'm really starting to not like that guy.
Okay, wait a second everybody. What exactly has this "Professor Exasperate" done? I mean really. So far he has interupted a movie no one saw, and not been at a library annoying people. He has picked up an old woman who may or may not be an incontinen-senile spinster and a guy with irritable bowel syndrome. I just cannot take this guy seriously. Rob a bank. Steal some jewels. Knock over an ATM. Do something besides kicking dogs and old people (maybe that is how he met Grand Mal though).
Heck, Cap Amazing is more of a jerk then this guy, and he is on the good side.
Hey, That was uncalled for!
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